


Train Ride

by ambisquidy



Category: SF9 (Band)
Genre: Angst, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, M/M, POV First Person, Trains
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-23
Updated: 2019-04-23
Packaged: 2020-01-25 13:29:04
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,295
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18575428
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ambisquidy/pseuds/ambisquidy
Summary: Troubled Youngkyun made a mistake, but there was no way of getting off of this train away from what he feared most: his insecurities





	Train Ride

As soon as the train began to move away, I knew I had made a big mistake. I was happy, so so happy, but I threw it all away. I had to. I was scared. 

I left because I was scared of messing things up, I was scared of him. Not because he hurt me, not because he was a sick, twisted man like the ones from my past. No, it was quite the opposite. He treated me right, the best I’ve ever experienced. I started to love him more than I should have, and I was getting too attached. 

That’s why I’m here now. I’m running away, or riding on a train away to whatever fate I’m faced with ahead. I’m on a train to Busan with no place to go. I should’ve thought about it before packing what I needed and leaving so suddenly, but I couldn’t take it anymore. Not with the way Taeyang looked at me. He had so much love in his eyes, enough that filled my chest up with a warm feeling, much like the sun, but that is only temporary. Love is only temporary until you find flaws, until you find someone else, until that love just stops. I’ve dealt with it so many times with different scenarios. I don’t want to ever see hatred in Taeyang’s eyes, especially with them directed at me. I want to save what we have, or what we had. It may sound selfish, but I want to save what I saw in him, because I love him. 

I started to cry. With tears falling from both eyes, I put my head in my hands as I thought of his. So soft, tan, and a home for when I needed comfort. But there is no comfort. I need comfort now, I miss him. I should’ve spoken to him about how I felt, how much I loved him, but what if he freaked? What if he got mad at me for thinking in the future he wouldn’t love me? What if he started to not love me because of that? Either way, I’m a fool who doesn't know how to listen to common sense. 

I started crying more, and in hopes I wouldn’t disturb the passengers from the other seats, I put my head in my lap with my arms around my head, like how you would in a tornado drill. 

As I sobbed, I heard the door of the train cabin open. It was probably an employee to check the tickets. As I took a few breaths to calm down, I wiped my tears and reached for the train ticket in my bag, until I felt a warm hand on my shoulder. 

“Youngkyun, I’ve finally found you.” 

Knowing that voice, I looked up in shock to an out of breath man, the very person I was running from. 

“Taeyang… what are you doing here? Don’t you have your dance classes now?” 

“Yeah,” Taeyang responded, “but you’re more important than missing one stupid class. We need to talk.” I watched him take a seat across from me. He looked up with such emotion… but what was it? 

After a moment of silence, he broke the ice. “I woke up to a goodbye text from you and I’ve been looking for you ever since. Why haven’t you answered my calls? Why did you leave?” 

With a shaky voice, I replied. “I was afraid,”

Taeyang tilted his head to the right, confused before asking, “afraid of what?” I didn’t have time to answer before he widened his eyes and straightened up in his chair. “Are you afraid of me? Did I do anything to hurt or scare you in any way? Because if I did Younghyun, please tell me, and I’ll fix it I’m so sorry-” 

“No! It’s not that,” I interrupted, I took a moment to collect my thoughts and carefully plan on what I should say next. “It was actually the opposite. You were the first person to make me feel this loved, to make me this happy.“ As tears started to form, I swallowed the dryness in my throat and continued speaking. “You’re everything I could ever want in a guy, you’re perfect, I’m just afraid things will go wrong because they always do.” I looked up to the ceiling, trying to hold the tears threatening to spill before failing. “So many time have I loved someone so much only to have them eventually look at me without love in their eyes, or hatred, sometimes even both.” Looking down at my opened hands rested in my lap, I closed them tightly. “And I can’t have you looking at me the same way. I started to love you more than I thought I would. I don’t think I could ever deal with you hating me and knowing you do.” 

Before I knew it, Taeyang was seated at the seat beside me. His hand reached to touch my back, but he hesitated. 

“Youngkyun, how could I ever hate you?” Without even realizing the tears welled up in Taeyang’s eyes, I watched them fall. “You tell me I’m perfect, but what about you? Youngkyun, not only are you everything I’ve ever wanted, you’re everything I’ve ever needed. I know that we never actually officially started a relationship, but god Youngkyun, I love you so much. I don’t know what I would’ve done if I didn’t find the right train. I couldn’t just let you leave thinking I didn’t love you as much or that I would hate you. I love you way too much to ever hate you.” 

I couldn’t believe what I was hearing. First off, I didn’t expect Taeyang to be here, and when I saw him I thought he’d just tell me off by saying how pathetic I was, but I was wrong, so wrong. 

“Youngkyun?” Taeyang questioned as I didn’t respond to his confession from before. 

“Oh, yes, sorry, I just wasn’t expecting that.” I replied with a small, nervous smile, trying to reduce the tension. With Taeyang noticing my nervousness, he put his warm hand on my back, rubbing my nerves away. “What do I do now?” I went on. “I feel like I messed everything up.” 

“You didn’t, silly, your feelings are valid. I mean, yeah, you should’ve spoken to me about this before leaving on a train to a whole different city, giving me a goddamn heart attack.” Taeyang said dramatically, clutching his hands over his heart and falling back into his seat. With a sniffle, I laughed. How could he play around like that? Dumbass. 

“Ah, that gummy smile, there we go,” Taeyang started, pinching the left side of my cheek, “so cute.” 

“L-leave me alone,” I stuttered with embarrassment. 

Taeyang pouted, but went serious a moment later. “Okay but for real, what you should do is come back home with me, Youngkyun. If you’re there, I’ll show you how much I love you.” 

Grabbing Taeyang’s hand, I looked him in the eyes. “You really thought I’d just leave again after all of this?” 

Smiling brightly like the sun itself, Taeyang gripped my hand and kissed my cheek with a small “good” following afterwards. 

“So what does that make us now?” I asked. 

“What do you think, my boo?” Taeyang replied with a soft baby voice. 

“Oh my god you’re so embarrassing” I blushed

“I know, but that’s okay, because I’m your cute, embarrassing boyfriend” Taeyang said with a small kiss to my cheek. 

And with that, we looked out of the window just to the right, hand in hand, on the train to Busan. It would take forever to get back home, but maybe this was worth it… And maybe this wasn’t completely a mistake after all.

**Author's Note:**

> A/N: Hello !! My english teacher was preparing us for our exam and he told us that there’s an imaginative writing piece that we’ll have to write on the exam day. The first one was write a sentence that begins with “as soon as the train began to move away, i knew i had made a big mistake,”so I started writing in Youngkyun’s pov and went from there. I never really wrote in someone else’s pov much, so I’m really sorry if it sounds weird lol. I hope you guys enjoyed this although it was kinda rushed and kinda gross (but same) 
> 
> If you enjoy it, follow me on twitter @ambisquidy 
> 
> P.s. at how my teacher handed me my paper back with fear in his eyes… I wonder if he looked up who the characters were… I wonder if he stans SF9 now omg. Imagine making an au that makes your teacher stan the group lmao


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